A part of the book “The Child in You” by Stefanie Stahl is dedicated to strategies that serve to protect us from the negative feelings and thoughts of our inner shadow child.
The inner shadow child encompasses our negative beliefs and feelings that arise from that part of us, burdening us with emotions such as sadness, fear, helplessness, or anger. Stefanie Stahl identifies a series of strategies that the shadow child uses to avoid these negative feelings.
Strategies that shadow child uses are:
- Repression of reality
- Projection and thinking from a victim position
- Perfectionism, obsession with beauty, and a craving for recognition
- Pursuit of harmony and excessive adaptation
- Helper syndrome
- Desire for control
- Aggressive behavior
- Remaining in childhood
- Flight, withdrawal, and avoidance
Reading this book and engaging in the exercises Stefanie Stahl described, I realized that my inner child uses more than one strategy to avoid negative feelings.
Unveiling the Strategies of My Inner Shadow Child
To evade negative feelings that I didn’t know how to channel and understand, I often relied on repressing reality, avoiding problem-solving until they became too significant to ignore. The level of repression and neglect of problems often reached a point where the pain became unbearable, forcing me to wake up from that state and actively address the issues.
Under the influence of the belief that I’m not good enough and that I’m weak, I often resorted to a yearning for harmony and excessive adaptation. I suppressed my desires and needs to the point where I suffocated myself, losing touch with what I truly wanted. These adaptations led to a complete loss of identity and an inability to express my own desires.
The Helper Syndrome has been a pattern that accompanied my entire life. I always found people I believed needed my help. By providing assistance to others, I created the belief that I am a good person. Unfortunately, this dynamic also reflected in my choice of partners. I often selected those I thought I could “fix.” These relationships became dependent because, although I couldn’t truly help my partner, simultaneously, I didn’t have the strength to leave a relationship that wasn’t healthy.
This introspection and recognition of different strategies are crucial steps toward understanding oneself and working on the inner child for personal growth and emotional healing.
“The Child in You” is hailed as an exceptional guide, offering a plethora of exercises to work on the inner child. It not only describes the significance of the inner child but also emphasizes how crucial it is to find, become aware of, and establish contact with that part of ourselves.
If our childhood wasn’t the safest or most beautiful place, it’s important to understand that we have the power to revive and change it. We are the ones who have the ability to provide our inner child with the environment it deserves. By working on ourselves, paying attention to our inner child, we can transform our emotional experience and offer support and love that may not have been available in the past. This transformative power allows us to shape our emotional space and create positive changes for a better and happier future.
